scars
by marchofthedeathangels
Summary: I take a glance at the scars on my wrist; they tell me it doesn't have to be like this.
1. Chapter 1

_**an; I don't own the poem in bold, it was just what inspired me to write this one shot. also, pretend like the end of the last clique book hadnt happened please, yes massie left for England but she never met anyone on the plane. enjoy**_

**I take a glance**

**at the scars on my wrist**

**they tell me,**

**it doesn't have to be like this**

**I want to talk**

**to let it out**

**but nobody is there to listen**

**even when I shout**

**depression is dark**

**so speak up**

**before it takes you away**

**and covers your mouth.**

Massie nervously kept her wrist facing in towards herself as she cut up her food into tiny pieces, attempting to make it look like she had actually eaten something. She just didn't have the will to eat. She only wanted to be back up in her room sleeping to block out reality.

Shocking, isn't it? The Massie Block, previous alpha of Westchester and the Pretty Committee, wanting to be alone with no attention on her. Moving away to England had her isolated from all the important people in her life, besides her parents of course. The Pretty Committee, Inez, Isaac, Landon, and even though she hated to admit she still had feelings for the Briarwood Soccer Star, Derrington. It wasn't the same talking to them through FaceTime or iMessage or DMs or Kik; they just weren't the same Pretty Committee they used to be. It was as though they had moved on from their days of the PC, and that made Massie even more... sad.

Of course, Massie would never admit it, but she was depressed. Completely and utterly depressed.

"May I be excused please?" Massie quietly asked, in a such a manner that was worrying to her parents. Massie had always been the one to declare she was leaving without checking to be sure it was okay.

"Of course." Kendra responded, smiling gently at Massie, who didn't even see the smile as she was too busy making her way upstairs.

Behind her closed and locked bedroom door, she examined her scarred wrist. She counted as though she didn't know there were exactly 14 faded scars. She wished she had never done it, because she was forever reminded of when she was weak. Massie Block was too strong for something like self mutilation. The scars on her wrist sadly proved that wrong.

Massie didn't want to feel like this anymore. She didn't want to deal with the terrible bouts of depression she had, she didn't want to deal with the constant urge to slice into her skin. So the next morning before school started she gathered her courage and walked alone (as always) into the guidance office.

"May I please speak with Mrs. Shay?" Massie nervously requested, fiddling with the long sleeves of her pale red Marc Jacobs sweater.

"One moment please." The women at the desk said, and scanned her eyes over her computer screen. "Alright, she's free, go on in."

Massie hadn't expected it to be so easy, or perhaps it was just she hoped it would have been harder. She focused on the tips of her Ralph Lauren black calf boots as she made her way to the guidance counslers room.

"Have a seat, Massie." Mrs. Shay said as Massie entered the room.

Massie sat down, and looked at Mrs Shay. Mrs. Shay looked back at Massie exoectantly.

"What did you want to talk about, Massie? Is everything okay?"

Before Massie could say anything, a little voice inside her head spoke up. _If you say anything they'll think you're crazy, an insane attention seeker. They'll take one single look at your wrist and ship you off to the mental department. Don't. Say. A word._

"Massie?" Mrs. Shay inquired, giving Massie a reassuring smile.

"I.. I.. I cant do this. I'm sorry." Massie blurted out and rushed out of the room.

Her head pounding she ran until she reached the normally abandoned stairwell in the east side of the building and put her head between her knees. She sat there breathing in and out slowly for around five minutes willing herself not to cry or freak out or anything stupid like that.

"Hey, are you alright?" Massie heard an extremely British voice ask her. She should really be used to British accents at this point, she had lived in England for three years now. She looked up to see a tall boy with black hair styled into a quiff with blue eyes looking at her in concern.

"I'm.. I'm fine." Massie said calmly, and stood up. She held out her hand. "I'm Massie."

The boy smiled back at her. "I'm James."

A sudden feeling filled her chest, one she hadn't felt in a long time.

Hope.

"It's great to meet you."

_**review?**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**an; sorry its been awhile since ive updated. but believe it or not I actually got a boyfriend. unsure of how you take care of it, how much does it need to be fed? does it need to be taken outside for exercise? does it need a special toy? I dunno but its a lot of drama ill tell you that much... anyways, on with the story.**_

Massie walked into school, this time wearing a pristine white slouchy sweater along with black leggings, and for shoes a pair of Marc Jacobs white ankle boots with black lace covering them. She hadn't really felt like doing much with her hair again, so she simply had it down with her bangs pinned away from her face; she also hadn't felt like dealing with makeup, so she had absolutely no makeup on.

Quite a difference from the old Massie Block, that's for sure. Normally Massie wouldn't be caught dead anywhere without Glosspip Girl shellacked on her lips, and at least some mascara and blush on. She also wouldn't dare go out anywhere without her hair straightened, curled, or put up in some sort of way, yet here she was with her naturally wavy hair walking around naked faced throughout the halls of her school. No one acknowledged her, but it was nothing new to her.

She spent pretty much the entire day in a daze, not really paying attention, and proceeding to fail her physics quiz horribly. Yet she didn't care.

At lunch she took her tray, which consisted of a small salad, a pecan and almond nut mix, an apple, and a small bottle of water, to the empty table she always sat at. There was exactly five spots at the table, yet only one person occupied it; Massie Block.

She let her mind wander to James, thinking about how beautiful his eyes were; they were like an ocean that ensnared you without release, a sparkling bright sapphire that should be treasured until the end of time. His hair was like the dark ink that Massie had painted with, the kind of black that scared young children and beckoned to Massie constantly, asking her to join death. It was indescribable how much Massie wanted to get to know James, how much it hurt to know that he would probably never again give her the time of day. Why would he? He's like a gorgeous painting that no one can quite describe what makes it so beautiful and intriguing, while Massie is the shitty five minute drawing a slacker art student drew once they realized they had an assignment due. He was the beautiful mysterious novel, while she was the book everyone tossed aside because there were better books to read.

Things such as that were things Massie pondered constantly. She always was alone now, and perhaps that was for the best in her opinion. She was quite a depressive freak who enjoyed digging a piece of sharp metal into her skin, so how could she possibly be normal? She had become the very thing she had scorned in her PC days, and LBR.

Massie was interrupted from her thoughts when someone suddenly sat down next to her, sliding their tray onto the table.

"Mind if I sit here?" James' beautiful voice asked.

She looked at him and felt her heart lurch. He was wearing a blue hoodie which made his eyes even bluer, if that was possible, and a pair of slim straight leg Osaka blue wash jeans. His black hair wasn't styled today, so his hair was hanging in his eyes and it made Massie nervous. Simply because James was what her younger self would refer to as a total HART while she was a total LBR.

"Not at all." Massie faintly replied, looking at her lunch tray in disgust. _God, he's going to think I'm a total pig. I shouldn't have gotten the nuts and the apple, the salad was quite enough. You're such a fatass, why do you do this to yourself?_

Massie suddenly felt James' hand touch her shoulder comfortingly. "Are you okay Massie?" He asked, looking into her amber eyes with his blue ones.

It was like all the oxygen was sucked out of the room. She couldn't breathe even if she tried. All she could focus on was that James was touching her shoulder and she was an ugly glob sitting next to a beautiful sculpture. She didn't know what to do.

James removed his hand, and Massie could breathe again. "Massie?" James questioned, his thick eyebrows furrowing in concern.

Taking a shaky breath, she nodded. "Yeah."

She made the mistake of looking at him, and he gave her a smile that shined brighter than the Tiffany diamonds on her mothers favorite necklace. He made her incredibly nervous and she had no idea as to how she should react.

"You're not wearing any makeup, are you?" James asked her, scanning her face with a thoughtful look.

Cheeks faming red, Massie looked down at her tray, thankful her hair had the decency to cover her ugly face like a curtain. "No." Massie quietly mumbled, hating herself for choosing to not wear makeup on today of all days, wishing she could just dig her blade into her skin to make it all fade for a moment.

"Hey," Suddenly James' pointer and middle finger was lifting Massie's chin up to look him in the eyes again. "You look absolutely gorgeous without it."

If possibly, Massie blushed even worse than before. Her heart clutched with anxiety but strangely enough, it wasn't a horrible feeling like usual. Her stomach had erupted with butterflies and her mouth was dry. "Really?" She somehow squeaked out, wondering if perhaps this was a joke.

James chuckled. "Yes really. Love, you're absolutely stunning. Many if not all of the girls here would kill to look like you."

_This had to be a joke, someone had to have dared him to talk to you. You're a worthless piece of shit why in the hell would anyone want to give you any compliments? _

Ignoring the voices in her head, Massie; out of habit, scratched at her wrist through the sweater. "That's really sweet of you," Of course, because of what the voices in her head were saying, she couldn't just leave it at that. "But you don't have to lie to try and make me feel better."

James' eyebrows furrowed together. _God, how could someone's eyebrows even be cute? _"Massie, I'm not lying to you."

Massie almost rolled her eyes, but then she felt something wet on her sleeve. The moment she looked down with a confused look, James did as well. Massie was absolutely horrified to see that while scratching her wrist, she had caused her cuts to open, and now the white sleeve of her sweater was getting stained from blood seeping into it.

"Fuck." Massie mumbled, getting up and grabbing her bag, then hurrying out of the lunchroom.

Maybe James called after her, but she wouldn't know because she couldn't hear anything over the blood pounding in her ears. She rushed out of the school, ignoring the questions thrown at her from the lady at the greeter station in the front of the doors. Once she was a good distance away from the school, she sat down on a bench with her knees pulled up to her chest, wishing she would just die.

_** short i know but this will just be a short story anyways. review?**_


End file.
